It never fails, if you plan it or don’t plan it, someone will have something to say about the spacing of your children’s ages. They may not know, they may not understand, or even try to understand your circumstances or even try to care. Sometimes it seems that their way is the only way, they did it this way and it is obviously they best. To this I say – HA!
There is no “right” age to space your children. There is no “perfect” age gap. There is no way to know what is best for your family until you are living it day to day.
I did it, just as hundreds of thousands of other mothers do. I had kids 18 months apart! OMGosh! Every Family I know has kids spaced less than or more than my children. Can you believe that?! Now I will say I never expected to have kids 18 months apart, but life happens. You have to roll with those blessings and know that everything will be great because this is your family We know we are blessed to have our kids, there are many who struggle more than us. So to the mother who is hearing, “You are having kids that are less than “X” number of years apart” here is what I have to say.
Dear Mom to Be,
This is not a time to freak out, it will all be alright, trust me. I am not saying I am an expert, I am not saying I am perfect because I am definitely not, but here are a few words of advice from a mom who’s “kids were also TOO close in age”.
- Take a deep breath.
- Take all the help that you are offered whether it is an extra hand from your 18 month old (oldest child) getting a diaper for their new baby brother, or the wonderful lady across the street bringing over food. Take it and simply tell them how much you appreciate it.
- Realize that if you are a Type A personality (meaning organized, planned, scheduled) you may have to learn to roll with the punches a little bit more. If I could do this, just about anyone can!
- A quote from my very wise Sister-In-Law (mother to 4 children ages 13, 10, 5, 1): “Sink or swim, that is simply all you can do as a Mom and really there is only one choice, keep your head above the water.”
- Laugh – if you forget this your world will end. Nah, not really but laughing in the face of those awful moments helps no matter what. Like, the time the youngest has a total blowout (we are talking up the back, out the sides, destroys the outfit, just throw the clothes away) and you begin to think OMGosh, what next….you look over and your oldest (who is now interested in the potty), has their diaper off doing their duty on the floor. Laugh, because it is so terrible. Laugh, because it is truly not the end of the world. Laugh, because it is all washable and those babies are safe and healthy. And then grab a glass of wine, you deserve it!
I wish I could tell you how you will handle all of this craziness, I wish I could give you the secret Mommy code to make things simple. Truth is once we become Mothers, we already have the code, I’m not sure how, it just comes with the simple smell of that baby, the simple cry that tells us they need us, the simple grin and little hands that we get to cherish for these first few years (until they become a sassy 4 year old and a wild 2.5 year old). The only thing that matters to those two babies who are, “too close in age” is that you are there for them. You will look back (even just a year from now) and think how in the hell did I do it, then you remember, you accepted that extra help (even from your oldest), you laughed, and you kept your head above the water.
(2.5 short years later – Still Best Friends – – – Most of the time)
Good Luck Moms Out There. We really are Super Heroes to our Children.
This is also for someone who is very special to me and who is soon to have kids that are, “too close in age.”
“Just Keep Swimming”